The Link Between Quiteness and Productivity (article excerpt)

This one's for my husband, whose always complaining that the "loud" girls at his job always seem to get the promotions and everyone seems to think they know more.........

Once you stop chatting and become more quiet, your productivity soars!  Let them continue to be all loud and rambunctious. The truth always reveals itself, eventually....... 

FC Expert Blog

The Link Between Quietness And Productivity

By Roberta Matuson

August 7, 2012

This blog is written by a member of our blogging community and expresses that member's views alone.

Some of you may have tried to reach me this morning and found that I was unavailable. That's because I was knee high in muck with my husband and some friends. We were out having what I call clamming wars, here on Cape Cod.

I have to admit, my team was quite vocal everytime we scored a clam, which by my count was many. The other team raked for clams quietly in the distance. You can imagine our surprise when the quiet team hauled in considerably more clams than our team. Who would have thought?

Sometimes we forget that the most productive people in an organization aren't the ones who make the most noise. In fact, it's often the quiet ones who out-produce everyone else.

Here are some reasons I think this is so.

Being quiet strengthens focus. It's hard to focus on the task at hand when you yourself are making so much noise. The other team, who participated in the clamming wars, never took their eye off the prize. Our team, on the other hand, did a happy dance in the sand everytime we hit pay dirt. In retrospect, this was probably valuable time wasted.

Being quiet calms others. Quiet people have the ability to calm those around them. For example, when everyone is stressing out because it looks like a team isn't going to meet their deadlines, it's usually the quiet people who are able to calm people down and carry them over the finish line.

Being quiet conveys confidence. You don't have to prove anything to anyone when you are confident. You know you do a good job and you believe that eventually others will take notice.

Being quiet means you think before you speak. Quiet people are usually thoughtful thinkers. They think things through before making a statement. Something you probably wish many of your workers would do before taking up your valuable time.

Being quiet gives you the space to dig deep. Quiet people tend to delve into issues and ideas before moving on to new ones. Compare this to the surface people in your organization, who often move onto other matters without giving thought to the gold that may be sitting right below the surface.

The next time you evaluate team performance, be sure to give credit where credit is due. Remember that at the end of the day, it's not about the noise one makes, but what one actually gets done.

Guest contributor Roberta Chinsky Matuson (Roberta@yourhrexperts.com) is an internationally recognized expert on increasing profitability by maximizing employee contribution. Her website is www.yourhrexperts.com. She is the author of Suddenly in Charge: Managing Up, Managing Down, Succeeding All Around, a Washington Post Top-­5 Leadership pick.

o________o THE BLANK STARE

I was just approached and asked to do something absolutely ridiculous.  In response, I said this: o________o

 

In response, they said, "What does that mean?"

 

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to THE BLANK STARE!

 

Every male on the planet knows about "The Look." It begins in early childhood when the misbehaving manling transgresses a known or unknown law and receives, from his mother, "The Look." He will receive "The Look" from hundreds, perhaps thousands, of females over his lifetime and will always be terrified and shaken by the experience.  However, women are familiar with a maddening expression that males have developed to a fine art over the years. Women have "The Look." Men have "The Blank Stare." All women have seen this expression through the years, especially when males feel they are put on the spot. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" she says sweetly.   She is met by The Blank Stare.   Two young lovers are sharing an intimate moment away from the crowds under the privacy of the stars. "I love you," he whispers. "How much do you love me?" she inquires. Says he, "I would cross oceans for you, scale the highest mountain, fight off ravening hoards of barbarians for you, my love." Innocently she asks, "Do you love me enough to marry me?"   Blank Stare.   The Blank Stare begins early in life, even before the man's earliest memory. Two principles are learned early on.  Principle Number One: "It is bad to lie."  Principle Number Two: "Sometimes if you tell the truth, pain follows."  For example, Johnny, only three years old, opens the door to the fridge and tries to pull out the gallon of milk. The milk is way too heavy, but he is thirsty, and besides Mom is upstairs in the bedroom.  He knows better than to do this because he has gotten into trouble before.  Yet, because males are afflicted with a terminal condition called "testosterone poisoning" they do dumb things.  The milk drops to the floor with a crash, the plastic container ruptures, and an explosion of milk covers Johnny and the kitchen floor.  Hearing the crash, Mom rushes to the kitchen where Johnny is standing, eyes innocent, dripping with milk.  "What happened in here?" she screams. Principle Number One begins to kick in: "Do not lie."  However, Principle Number Two also comes into play: "If you tell the truth, you will get your butt beat." Faced with this tension of truth versus pain, little Johnny looks at mommy in silence and blinks.   The Blank Stare is born.   It doesn't work, of course, and never will because women inflict the pain anyway.  But because males are males, they continue to react in the same old ways whether the techniques work or not.  Johnny knows that mommy knows. Johnny knows that he will probably be punished.  Yet, because he doesn't want to lie and because he hopes, against hope, that somehow he can get out of this mess ... he stares.   It should be said, however, that the blank stare is only offered to women. If a man challenges another man - "Hey, who left this mess in here?" - the testosterone afflicted male issues his own challenge "Yeah?  Who wants to know?" Arguments begin, words are exchanged, and fists may fly.  But the Blank Stare is never given to another male.  Well, maybe to a male in ultimate authority like a police officer or a father... but most males just either tell the truth or lie under those circumstances.  If a man says to another male (which he would never do), "Does this swim suit make me look fat?" the reply likely will be, "Why no, Porky, why do you ask?" Imagine saying that to a woman.  Pain would follow for sure.   Sometimes the Blank Stare is modified.  First of all, one has to realize that the purpose of the Blank Stare is to avoid unpleasantness.  Another motivation of the Blank Stare is to buy time to try to think up an excuse that is not actually a lie.  Hence a few modifications: "Honey," she says, after asking an answerable question, "did you hear me?" "Drat," he thinks, "the blank stare isn't working." "Um, I'm sorry dear, were you saying something?" Now she has to repeat the question she originally asked. The hapless man has just bought an extra thirty seconds.   It won't work, of course, it never does.  "I'm sorry dear, my mind was somewhere else, would you mind repeating that?" Whatever tactic employed, it only delays the pain.   Women are smart.  Men need to own up to that little fact.  If she asks the "do-I-look-fat-in-this" question and we don't reply, she knows the answer is, "Does Moby Dick sleep in the sea?"   If we were smart, we would just tell the truth and take our punishment.  Or if we were devious, we would just lie and then take our punishment because the female always knows when the male is lying.  But because we are noble and caring (though suffering from testosterone poisoning) we try not to lie and we try to spare feelings.  You see, the Blank Stare is actually the highest form of caring for the female.  It is a sign of the latent goodness and honour of the man.   The Blank Stare is really a compliment to the relationship that we share with the female and a way of offering respect and dignity.  Women should understand what we are trying to do, appreciate the sincere efforts we are making, and just quietly back off and accept our stare as a positive affirmation of them.

*Please note that this portions of this blog post are excerpts from another blog post available on several online websites.

So, having several single friends.....you know I had to take notice when I came across the below article.  I use to keep a personal/mental list of good places to meet prospective dates. I'll just add these to the list....for others.

 

Before I do, I will list a couple of places I thought (which actually may match up with some of the things I listed previously):

1. Gym (Hey, I know a guy who met his wife in a gym.....a good guy.  The wife wasn't so good [she spent him out of house and home and then left him several years later], but still there are good men to be found in the gym.....and most of them are in good shape.)
2. School (You want to find the man of your dreams?  Increase your education? Find a man who is on a quest for knowledge....and a higher payroll.  They will be in your classes, participating in class projects, in the school cafeteria and nearby eateries, etc., etc.....just keep your eyes open)
3. Class/Hobbies (What do you enjoy doing or have always had an interest in?  Take a class! Participate in an adventure!  You never know who's there with interests similar to yours.)
4. Church (Well, this may not work if you go to a tiny church, but consider some of the larger churches with various interest groups. Especially if your one of those girls who require spirituality from the man that you marry.  Why not start at the source?  Participate.  Go on church-sponsored trips.  You'll be surprised what you find.)
5. Volunteer (Don't you want a man who thinks of others and not just himself? A man who wants to and has enough to give back to another.  Well, find something your passionate about and volunteer.  Don't be surprised if you meet a professional, handsome man with a heart of gold.)

Now on to the article...... 

Creative places to meet dates

By Kimberly Dawn Neumann

Be honest: When you go to an art museum, you're not just checking out the paintings are you? Good! There's absolutely nothing wrong with mixing a little culture and cruising. Start looking for love in some of these creative places, and you just might paint yourself a more interesting romantic picture.

Be a drama queen (or king)
Sitting in the dark with total strangers may not sound like a great way to mingle, but imagine if you could stick around for an exclusive private party after the show? More and more theater companies are offering "incentive" parties for their regulars to mix with other theater fans. The Roundabout Theatre in New York City (www.roundabouttheatre.org) now offers a special "Social Series" where anyone who buys a 3-, 5- or 8-show season pass is invited to post-performance cocktail parties with the cast and other subscribers. "It's a low-pressure way to talk about theater with people who share your interests," says Stefanie Schussel, marketing assistant for the Roundabout Theatre Company.

The Roundabout also has a gay/lesbian series, a wine-tasting series and a young adult program called Hiptix, where 18- to 35-year-olds can enjoy a DJ dance party afterwards. "There have been two marriages that came out of the Social Series and countless relationships," says Schussel, who notes that other performing-arts groups around the country — including the Arena Stage in Washington, D.C., The Alliance Theatre in Atlanta, GA, the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, MN, the Steppenwolf Theatre Company in Chicago, IL and the Seattle Repertory Theatre in Seattle, WA — now feature similar programs. Check with your local arts groups, because you never know who you'll meet across a crowded lobby some enchanted evening.

Go on a scavenger hunt
Get to know your city in the most fun way possible: by racing through it trying to decipher clues and complete a scavenger hunt. "Before every hunt we ask people if they'd like to meet others and then we form teams with kindred spirits," says Bret Watson, founder of Watson Adventures (www.watsonadventures.com), which runs these grown-up hunts in Boston, New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Philadelphia, Washington, D.C. and other cities. You can narrow the field by choosing a tour that matches your interests (offerings range from The Gangsters' New York Scavenger Hunt to The Wild, Wild Life Scavenger Hunt at the San Francisco Zoo). And hey, if you do make a love connection, you two just might be back for another night to remember, notes Watson: "One guy booked a private hunt for a group of his friends so that he could propose to his girlfriend at the end."

Make something
When was the last time you created your own masterpiece? If your answer is: "Age 10 in elementary art class," it's high time you return to your creative roots. Joining a class to learn painting, photo editing, etc. is a hands-on way of connecting with others. "People come together with a desire to create something," says Bob Gereke, owner of Mud, Sweat & Tears, a pottery studio in New York City, "but what often happens in the process is that they create relationships and friendships as well." But before signing on, strategize: If you're looking to meet men, consider joining a photography, filmmaking, or landscape design class rather than a knitting circle. And guys: You'll probably meet more ladies studying watercolor or pottery than woodworking. At the very least you'll come out of the experience with something cool you made yourself.

Share your story
Love to read, write or rap? Storytelling events (including poetry jams and book readings) are a fresh way to connect with like-minded souls. At The Moth (www.themoth.org), bi-monthly storytelling forums called StorySLAMS — currently happening regularly in New York, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Los Angeles, Louisville, KY and Ann Arbor, MI in addition to storytelling tours nationwide — 10 randomly selected people per night each get five minutes on stage to share their story on a pre-selected topic. At the end of the night, a StorySLAM winner is selected to compete in a future StorySLAM final. "These events are very rowdy, fun and all-inclusive," says Sarah Jenness, a senior producer at The Moth. "You'll often end up sitting at a table with someone you didn't know before the night started but people always end up talking and sharing stories before or after the show and during intermission… it's just a very open environment." Nowhere near a Moth event? Check your local area bookstore for readings and discussion groups, because wordplay can be quite the turn-on.

Pull an "art-nighter"
Ever been to an art museum after dark? More and more art museums keep their doors open late to encourage mingling while admiring their master works. The de Young Museum in San Francisco has a "Friday Nights at the de Young" series (free admission on Friday nights from 5-8:45 p.m. between March 30 and November 23, 2012), which is usually jam-packed with single professionals. The Dallas Museum of Art has combined forces with the nearby Nasher Sculpture Garden and Crow Collection of Asian Art to offer a "Late Nights at the Dalsas Museum of Art" series of social events one Friday each month through September. These gatherings often include themed evenings tied to current exhibits and feature happy hours, repertory film showings, live music and DJ performances, and even a Twitter-driven scavenger hunt. (Single parents, there are activities for the kids here, too.) And the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA) hosts an annual late-night party running from 7 p.m. to 3 a.m. that includes live performances, DJ sets and free admission to the museum. "If two people are viewing the same piece of art on the wall, it's an excellent conversation-starter and a non-invasive way to break the ice and meet someone," says Heidi Simonian, media relations manager for LACMA.

Shake your groove thing
Suddenly, ballroom dancing is all the rage again. And social dancing classes will definitely bring you into close proximity with other "eligible" dance partners. "When you ballroom dance, you automatically get to have fun and interact with someone of the opposite sex," says Jonathon Roberts, a Dancing with the Stars professional and United States Ballroom Dance Champion. Roberts suggests that singles attend a group class or go out dancing (think swing, country/western line dancing or salsa at a local club). "Guys are always afraid to look like idiots on the dance floor, but for single men, there is no better place to pick up women," says Roberts. One place to start? Check out the United States Amateur Ballroom Dancers Association (www.usabda.org) for social dance options and classes in your area.

Act like a starving artist
If you're lacking the funds to become an arts supporter, check out www.goldstarevents.com, which offers cheap tickets to performing arts events nationwide (including many reduced-price artistic adventures for singles). Recent bargain offerings included photography trips, art tours, and theater tickets. "These events have a tendency to bring people together to connect and share — key ingredients in a budding romance," says Goldstar Events CEO Jim McCarthy. "And because we offer tickets at half-price, people can experience a great night out inexpensively and often." Who says you have to suffer for your art... or for your social life?

Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a New York City-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in such publications as Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Women's Health, Redbook, Quick & Simple, and frequently online for Match.com. She is also an artist who has performed on Broadway and in numerous national tours.

---

Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

5 Delicious and Beautifying Summer Drink Recipes (via Kimberly Snyder)

5 Delicious and Beautifying Summer Drink Recipes

During the summer, it’s especially important to stay hydrated for optimal health and beauty. Your body will crave more fluids as you are naturally perspiring more. Sometimes I feel like a camel in the summer, and just guzzle away many times more the amount of fluids than I do in the winter.

While pure water is always best, sometimes you want a little flavor in your refreshment. Unfortunately, many popular summer drinks are filled with sugar and chemicals that do you no favors in terms of your health or hydration. But there are many other good choices, and you can enjoy a refreshing summer beverage without all of the chemicals and sugar. Here are five of my favorites.

Cucumber Water

If you follow the Beauty Detox program, you religiously start each morning with hot water with lemon, and perhaps drink more lemon water throughout the day. This is a different twist on our daily citrus-flavored water. Cucumber is a powerful beauty food, and this refreshing beverage infuses water with the flavor of cucumber. Cucumbers are high in vitamins A, C, and B6, as well as folic acid. Best, the drink is super easy to make and really delicious!

• 1 medium cucumber, cleaned and cut into ½ inch slices
• 2 quarts of pure water

Combine cucumber and water in a large pitcher and allow to sit for one hour or longer. Serve cool.

Aqua Fresca

This popular Mexican drink infuses water with your favorite fresh fruit.

• 4 cups pure, cold water
• 2 cups of your favorite fresh fruit (I like berries or papaya)
• Stevia to taste
• 2 teaspoons of fresh squeezed lime juice
• Lime wedges

1. Place fruit and water in a blender and puree.
2. Place a small sieve over a pitcher and pour mixture into it, straining the liquid into the pitcher. Discard solids.
3. Add lime juice and stevia.
4. Garnish with lime wedges.

Iced Rooibos Mint Tea

Rooibos tea is high in antioxidants and flavonoids, so it promotes youthfulness and great skin. Over a little ice with mint and lemon, it’s a refreshing and detoxifying summer beverage.

• 6 Rooibos tea bags
• One lemon, sliced
• Several leaves of fresh mint
• Stevia to taste
• 1 gallon of boiling water

Pour water over lemon, teabags and mint leaves and steep, stirring occasionally, until liquid cools. Remove tea bags, pour into a pitcher, and refrigerate. Serve cool or over a little bit of ice.

Basil Lemonade

 
Lemons are high in vitamin C and promote alkalinity and cleansing in the body. The basil adds a refreshing flavor to this sugar-free lemonade.

• ½ cup of freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 4 cups of cold water
• 1 cup of fresh basil leaves
• Stevia to taste

Place basil in the bottom of a pitcher and muddle it by slightly crushing the leaves. Combine lemon juice and water and pour over basil leaves. Add stevia to taste. Chill, and serve over ice.

Cilantro and Jalapeno Limeade

Cilantro is loaded with antioxidants and aids in detoxification, while jalapeno can help rev up your metabolism. Lime is high in Vitamin C.

• 4-1/2 cups of water
• 1 cup organic cilantro, washed and chopped
• 2 large jalapenos, seeds and ribs removed and chopped
• 1-1/2 cups of fresh lime juice
• Stevia to taste
• Lime slices for garnish

Pour water over cilantro and jalapenos. Steep for 30 minutes at room temperature, and then cover and chill for 3-4 hours. Strain the mixture into a pitcher and stir in lime juice. Add stevia to taste. Serve over ice garnished with lime slices.

Summer Hydration Tips

Staying hydrated is essential, especially in the summer. Water helps flush toxins out of your body. Your best bet is to drink pure water at room temperature, especially after periods of activity. Other tips:

• Drink 30 minutes before or 60 minutes after you eat so you don’t dilute your gastric juices necessary for food digestion.
• Avoid electrolyte replacement beverages, soft drinks, and other sugary drinks filled with chemicals. Just avoid them all.
• When you are active, be sure to take plenty of pure water with you.
• Drink mostly water, and have special drinks like those listed above occasionally when you feel that you need something with some flavor. Coconut water is also a good option.
• The Institute of Medicine suggests letting thirst be your guide to summer hydration. There’s no need to force beverages.
• How can you tell if you are dehydrated? Along with thirst, urine color may be a good indicator you need more water. If your pee is amber colored, you get thy water glass to thine lips!
• Alcoholic, sugary, and caffeinated beverages dehydrate you, which is another reason water is best.

Finding Your Passion in Life (RePost)

Dr. Laura Blog

Finding Your Passion in Life

07/19/2012

If you are bored or not happy in life, the key is having a passion.  If you want to transform your life and feel meaningful on the face of the earth, you need to have a point to your life.  It could be your job, your career, or your hobby, but it needs to be something that you are simply absorbed with.  And I'm not talking about obsessive-compulsive: I'm talking about a passion, something you love doing.

I talk to so many young people in their 20s immersed in some very sad state, going nowhere, and feeling a lot of pain and confusion about life or a relationship.  I typically ask, "What's your dream?"  I'm amazed at how almost 100 percent of the time I get nothing back.  Children are not being brought up anymore to imagine there's a point to their lives and something they are talented at that they need to commit themselves to.  Their job should be to maximize it, respect it, be patient with it, water, fertilize, grow it, and let it bloom.  People who do that are typically not depressed, sad, exhausted, or bored.  There is something about a passion and a purpose that makes people live longer.  When people give up on life, they usually give up on living in a general sense.  So, it's really important you know what your passion is. 

How do you find your passion? 

One cute way is to ask people who know you, "What do you think is my thing?"  A lot of times you will ignore what you have a knack for because you grew up in a family where somebody said it was stupid, or you figure you can't be great at it and you definitely can't make money with it. 

I have a number of passions, and they really save me when bad things happen.  My biggest passion is my radio program.  I've been doing this for a span of 35 years.  I can't imagine not doing it.  Sometimes people say, "Don't you just want to retire so you will be able to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it?"  Well, I sort of do that now because my radio program is my biggest passion. 

I feel very fortunate to be able to exercise my biggest passion.  And it was by total accident.  I was off being a scientist when one day, I decided to call into a radio program.  They liked what I had to say so much that I was asked to be on the radio show once a week for a year.  I then decided I ought to know more about what I was talking about so while I was teaching full time, I enrolled in a marriage and family therapy program at USC.  It was then I discovered something I never knew before: I had the ability to hear and put things together in a way which proved valuable in helping people with their problems.  I didn't know I had that in me.  It wouldn't have occurred to me, but I wonder if people who knew me then thought so as well. 

So, I came upon my passion accidentally.  And of course, I've added a million other things, and the crafts I go crazy over.

Additionally, using your passion to contribute to the well-being of others is seemingly simple and not very complicated.  For example, the daughter of my friend who just recently died is going to start a charity association where women who are dealing with cancer can go to beauticians to have their hair and nails done to make them feel better.  It's a small thing, it will never be made into a movie, and most people won't even know about it, but other human beings will be made happier.  I think that's huge.  It's like ripples in the water - if you make one person happy, that in turn affects the people in their own house, and then those people impact others, making them happier.

I found a list of 15 questions that you can ask yourself to help discover your passion and life's purpose:

Simple Instructions:

• Take out a few sheets of loose paper and a pen.

• Find a place where you will not be interrupted. Turn off your cell phone.

• Write the answers to each question down. Write the first thing that pops into your head. Write without editing. Use point form. It's important to write out your answers rather than just thinking about them.

• Write quickly. Give yourself less than 60 seconds a question. Preferably less than 30 seconds.

• Be honest. Nobody will read it. It's important to write without editing.

• Enjoy the moment and smile as you write.

     
15 Questions:     

1. What makes you smile? (Activities, people, events, hobbies, projects, etc.)    
2. What were your favorite things to do in the past? What about now?     
3. What activities make you lose track of time?
4. What makes you feel great about yourself?
5. Who inspires you most? (Anyone you know or do not know. Family, friends, authors, artists, leaders, etc.) Which qualities inspire you, in each person?
6. What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.)
7. What do people typically ask you for help in?
8. If you had to teach something, what would you teach?
9. What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?
10. You are now 90 years old, sitting on a rocking chair outside your porch; you can feel the spring breeze gently brushing against your face. You are blissful and happy, and are pleased with the wonderful life you've been blessed with. Looking back at your life and all that you've achieved and acquired, all the relationships you've developed; what matters to you most? List them out.
11. What are your deepest values?
12. What were some challenges, difficulties and hardships you've overcome or are in the process of overcoming? How did you do it?
13. What causes do you strongly believe in? Connect with?
14. If you could get a message across to a large group of people. Who would those people be? What would your message be?
15. Given your talents, passions and values. How could you use these resources to serve, to help, to contribute? (to people, beings, causes, organization, environment, planet, etc.)

Re: Group Discussion: Re: God's Favor

I'm about a month late in my response, but since my sister keeps harrassing me about it, here it is.  ;-)

  

I think that favor is two-fold.  There is unmerited favor that you get, but may not necessarily deserve, and there is favor that you have gotten based on your actions/faith, etc. (which, still you may or may not deserve).

 

Within these two types of favor, I think there is also an element of how you look at and interpret "favor."

 

I was listening to an advice show online (Dr. Laura) earlier this week and there was a lady (Lisa) on there who had an incredible story.

 

Lisa was born to a prostitute mother and an unknown father.  Her mom tried to abort her, but the abortion clinic would not allow it because she had already had 20 abortions prior.  The lady survived utero (in the belly) beatings by her mom's pimp, but was born healthy.  While Lisa was a baby, her mom abandoned her (and the pimp).  Her mom's pimp left Lisa on the steps of one of his relatives, who didn't really want her but raised her off-and-on until adulthood.  Lisa told stories of how the relative would just put her out on the streets when she didn't feel like being bothered and for much of her teenage years, she was homeless….sleeping in the band room at school or at friend's houses whose parents felt bad for her.

 

In a strange twist of events, Lisa was smart…..very smart….and she found acceptance and validation in teachers who appreciated and praised her hard work.  Lisa graduated salutatorian of her high school class and received scholarships and student loans to go away to college and support herself…..through graduate school.  When she graduated her Master's program, she got a top notch job as an aerospace engineer.  She used the money she earned to get eye surgery (oh yeah…..she was also born, legally blind), get her own house and begin paying off her student loans. 

 

Lisa called the radio show for two reasons.

1)      She was recently put up for a promotion at her job, which required she get a top security clearance from the government.  While all the background checks and tests were being performed, she found out that she had herpes, which she had from birth…..and was the cause of her previous eyesight issues.  She had never had any outbreaks, so never knew she had this until these tests were performed.  Ever since she found this out, all the old memories of her as a baby began flooding back to her and making her depressed.  She didn't know what to do?

2)      While her job as an aerospace engineer was financially rewarding and had done well in making her a more balanced person, Lisa felt that she had a greater calling in life.  She wasn't exactly sure what she wanted to do, but knew it involved helping other people throughout the world to overcome (esp. in 3^rd  world countries) their hardships.  Her issue was that she still had all these outstanding student loans to pay off and wasn't sure what to do or how to transition into a whole new field.

 

Of course, Dr. Laura gave her advice and offered her encouragement and praise, but that is not the point of my story, so I will overlook the advice given.  My point is to use this story to illustrate my point.  Did Lisa have God's favor or was she one of those people left out in the cold?  Lisa had a very, very, very challenging life.  More difficult than any of us have experienced.

 

However, she was alive, had all of her limbs, was intelligent, an overall good person and a survivor.  Isn't that God's favor?  Aren't there people on respirators or people who can't speak or comprehend what's going on around them?  What did Lisa or any of her absentee parents/family do to deserve this favor?  What about those people she wants to help in the 3^rd world countries?  She's way better off than them.  Why was she able to escape those circumstances and be born in America, where she can create her own destiny, per se.? (Unmerited Favor)

 

Given her circumstances, Lisa could have easily given up on life.  She, herself, could have decided to become a prostitute to support herself as a young teen.  She could have drowned her problems with booze and drugs.  However, she chose to work hard and survive.  Had she done some of the aforementioned things, she could be dead now.  She could have AIDS.  She could be in jail or she could be sleeping on the streets.  Instead, she has a good job, a nice home and clear eyesight.  While, things could've turned out differently, her faith and actions helped to put her in a place where her life improved tremendously….and is a lot better than some of the people who were born with a silver spoon in their mouths and parents that pampered them until the very end. (somewhat Merited Favor)

 

The third part of this is the interpretation.  Would you say that Lisa did not have God's favor as a child because she went through all these things or would you say that it was part of God's favor that chose her to go through all of these things, so that she could be used for his glory and have an impact on thousands of people?  Perhaps she wouldn't have gotten as far as she has gotten, if she had grown up in a functional family.  Perhaps she would've been self-centered and not considered others and what they needed.....and no one would be saved.

 

On Mon, Jun 18, 2012 at 3:02 PM, Frankela Albury <girlsgroup2007@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello Group,

 

It's been awhile since we've had an online discussion,but I thought maybe I'd bring up a question to the group.

 

Recently I was having one of my deep thought sessions with myself and I began to tweet.  I asked about God's Favor.

 

It's something we should all be familiar with hearing about especially those of us who grew up in the church.  You've heard people mention how these wonderful things happened for them b/c they have "GOD's FAVOR".

 

So I wonder what exactly is God's Favor?  How is it determined who receives God's favor? Do you think it's luck of the draw? Either you're born with it or not?  Is it reserved for an elite few?  If so, what happens to all the rest of us who don't have the favor of God?  Do we just have to go about life living it however we see fit and just deal with the outcome?

 

I'm curious to know what you guys think of it.

 

Thanks!!

Let the fun begin!!!!

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"Do what you can, with what you have, from where you are."
- Theodore Roosevelt

 

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People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.
  - Frederick Douglass

Guiding Opposite-Sex Friendships in Marriage/Relationships

So, I came across the following questionaire and felt it was interesting.  There have always been questions in my dating relationships and marriage on opposite-sex friends.

I, personally, have had bad/questionable experiences with opposite-sex friendships in my adult life, so typically stay away from any type of friendship (unless it is very surface-level) with people of the opposite sex.  The exception would be if I were single and/or interested in exploring more with the individual.  In that case, I can do what I want.

 

Please note that if you are single and the person of the opposite sex is married or in a relationship, the guidelines still apply. (though the bulk of the responsibility does fall on the committed person to make that distinction to their opposite-sex friend.)

 

Also note that there are some people who have attractions towards the same sex.  In these situations, the opposite-sex rules would apply.

 

 

Questions: Guiding Opposite-Sex Friendships in Marriage

If you have ever wondered whether or not your close opposite-sex friendship poses a potential threat to your marriage take a few moments to answer the questions below. Read each question and then quickly and honestly record the first answer that comes to mind.

1. Is your spouse unaware of your opposite-sex friendship? __Yes __No

2. Would you ever behave differently around your friend if your spouse were present? __Yes __No

3. Would you feel uncomfortable if your spouse had the same quality of friendship with someone of the opposite sex? __Yes __No

4. Do you prefer to spend time alone with your opposite-sex friend rather than in a group setting? __Yes __No

5. Are you physically and/or emotionally attracted to your friend? __Yes __No

6. Is your friend someone you would consider dating if you were single? __Yes __No

7. Have you ever entertained romantic fantasies about your friend? __Yes __No

8. Do you ever compare your spouse to your friend? __Yes __No

9. Do you think about sharing important news with your friend before your spouse? __Yes __No

10. Do you and your friend ever exchange highly personal details about your lives or complain about your marriages to each other? __Yes __No

11. Do you often reference or talk about your friend with others? __Yes __No

12. Has your spouse ever expressed concern about your friendship? __Yes __No

13. Is your relationship with your friend ever a source of tension or conflict between you and your spouse? __Yes __No

14. Have you ever ignored or minimized your spouse's requests to end or modify the relationship with your friend? __Yes __No

15. Have you ever deceived or misled your spouse about matters concerning your friendship? __Yes __No

16. Has anyone other than your spouse ever cautioned you about your opposite-sex friendship? __Yes __No

17. Do you do things with your friend that your spouse is unwilling or uninterested in doing? __Yes __No

18. Does your friend fulfill needs that you wish your spouse would meet? __Yes __No

19. Do you have unexpressed or unresolved anger toward your spouse? __Yes __No

20. Does your marriage lack intimacy? __Yes __No

If you answered, "yes" to one or more of the questions above, your opposite-sex friendship poses a real threat to the quality of your marriage. It may be in the best interest of your marriage to either significantly limit or actually end your close friendship. Be completely honest with yourself and your spouse and pray that God will give you the wisdom, discernment and courage to do what is best!

It is possible for married people to have healthy opposite-sex friendships. However, special consideration must be given to a number of factors that, if ignored, can potentially serve to threaten your marriage and seriously compromise your relationship with God. If you desire to make or keep your marriage strong, here are some tips for managing opposite-sex friendships in your life.

• Make your relationship with Jesus Christ your number one priority in life.

• Develop and consistently nurture a "best friend" relationship with your spouse.

• Develop and consistently nurture close same-sex friendships.

• Make sure your spouse knows your friend and is completely comfortable with the type and level of interaction you have with them.

• Honor your spouse's wishes concerning your friendship —even if it means ending it.

• Avoid establishing close friendships with opposite sex singles.

• Avoid close opposite-sex friendships if you are struggling in your marriage relationship.

• Address unmet needs and unresolved anger in your marriage in an open, honest and timely fashion.

• Demonstrate a God-honoring character in all your relationships.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. (Proverbs 4:23)

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable —if anything is excellent or praiseworthy —think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble. (Proverbs 3:21-23)

If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

I just posted a Harvard Business Review article on Facebook entitled, If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will.  This article, published yesterday, begins with a quote by Mahatma Gandhi and speaks strongly to the philosophy by which he lived his life, "A 'no' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble."

 

The article goes on to discuss a specific example, where Gandhi applied this to his life, and a specific example where the author tried to apply this to his life, but failed….miserably! (Agreed to a client meeting a few hours after his wife had just had their first child….due to feeling pressure and not wanting to 'look' bad in-front of his clients and colleagues.) 

 

It's really a great article that goes into why people prioritize unimportant things (in the bigger scheme of things) over others and how to avoid falling into those traps.

 

The article concluded with the following statement:

"Saying "yes" when we should be saying "no" can seem like a small thing in the moment. But over time, such compromises can create a life of regrets. Indeed, an Australian nurse named Bronnie Ware, who cared for people in the last 12 weeks of their lives, recorded the most often-discussed regrets. At the top of the list: "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

 

"When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

 

This article confirms that I am doing the right thing by joining this Bucket List Club.  My sister mentioned it to me yesterday and I jumped on it with open arms.  The rules of the Bucket List Club are as follows:

1.       Fill out the life expectancy calculator questionaire at the following website: www.livingto100.com/calculator

2.       Based on your results (my life expectancy is 88) decide how old you want to be when you are ready to just relax and not have to worry about 'trying new things' and accomplishing new goals (I decided on age 80).

3.       Take the age you have decided on (80 for me) and subtract it from the age you will be on December 31^st of the current year (34 for me).  This will equal the number of items you are required to come up with for your bucket list (80-34=46 for me)

4.       Create your bucket list (things you want to do, places you want to go, people you want to see, etc…. before you die).

5.       Plan a date for the end of the year when everyone in the Bucket List Club will meet to share and discuss their bucket list, as well as strategize what they will begin working on for the coming year.

6.       During the year, try to stick to your plans.  Try to work to complete one of your smaller list items and atleast start on one of your longer-term items, because…..

7.       At the end of each consecutive year, a new Bucket List Club meeting will be planned.  You must have completed at least one Bucket List item each year, which you can cross off the list at the meeting.

a.       If you overcome a major change in your life, you are encouraged to re-take the life expectancy quiz and update the number of items that should be listed on your bucket list.

b.      If your priorities change in your life, you are allowed to "exchange" bucket list items by replacing an item that is no longer a priority/desire of yours with something that is more in-line with the new you!

 

So far, my Bucket List Club consists of 3 people and is a by-invite-only club.  We are trying to keep our member numbers intimate and low, so if you have not received an invite, please feel free to start your own club and share your experiences.  For my fellow club members, lets get started!  Year-end will be here before we know it and I'd like to do our launch meeting BIG!  Any and all ideas and suggestions are welcome!  J

Lord, please help me to see......

BLINDSPOTS

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Happy (belated) Father's Day!!!!!

Yesterday, I spent the morning visiting my dad in Queens.  I spent the afternoon at my sister's house in the Bronx and I spent the evening at a book signing in Newark, NJ…..and just like that my life changed.

I almost didn't go to the book signing.  First, I just didn't want to go for my own selfish reasons.  Second, my husband and I had a big argument on our way to pick up my sister and nieces that morning (so, we could all visit my dad in Queens) and I really just wanted to let him go there alone, while I found my own way back home from Newark.  I don't know why I didn't say anything, as he likely would've dropped me off in a fit of anger, if I had suggested it.  I guess it wasn't met to be.  I guess I was meant to have an encounter with my BLINDSPOTS.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE BOOK

Blindspots.

What would you do if God healed everyone else but you? Would you celebrate if God reconciled their marriage and not yours? Could you still worship if your best friend got the job you've always wanted? 
What if the spouse you've been preparing for all your life, never shows up?

You've been praying to find someone who understands. You're tired of people putting wrapping paper over your pain. They've decorated your wounds and screamed "God is able!" But you're still bleeding. You're still burning. You're still blind.

After you finish this book, deliverance will have a new meaning. You may not get "healed"... but you WILL get help. 

I haven't even started to read the book yet (planning to start tonight with my husband), but it is right on target, and from all the sharing that went on at the book signing alone, my life has been forever changed.  It's amazing how God works and he knows EXACTLY, when you need a word from him and when you have hit your lowest point in the valley and can't handle anymore.  J It's crazy how someone else's hardships and testimonies and their ability to be transparent and share the darkest, deepest, most buried moments of their life can change you and everyone around you for the better.

Once my husband and I finish the book, we intend to pass it on to others and hope to one day be an example and share our struggles and how we made it over.  Here is a few excerpts/teasers from the book:

What do you do when the person you thought you loved, was really lust in sheep's clothing? How do you get out of a marriage that was conceived in chocolate cake and shaped in vanilla ice cream? ...

What if I told you that your greatest enemy actually thinks he is your best friend? He doesn't know he is a representative of deception because the devil doesn't interview his employees. He just hires upon availability.

#blindspots.6.17.12

When someone is violated, their sense of touch is tainted. Their understanding of love gets all jacked up. In what seems like a blink of an eye, joy gets crippled. The construction paper of peace crumbles into parchments of pain, and wholeness becomes the hardest class to pass in the college of Life & Sciences.

#blindspots.6.17.12

What are we doing, people? The church has more addicts than the penal system has convicts. We have more actors than Broadway has theatres. The reason we can't get help is because we're too busy trying to fake it. Most Christians are an oxymoron. We're truthfully dishonest, freely bound and nakedly clothed. We own a 24-hour convenience store that closes on the weekends. And we come to church to shake hands with a God we haven't spoken to all week.

#blindspots.6.17.12

I believe underneath every addiction is the desire to control the motion of our lives. Underneath every addiction is a broken mind, a fragmented heart, or a traumatized spirit. Underneath addiction is an unfulfilled request to be loved; a yearning to be held. The graveyard is easy to find. Somewhere near addiction is a tombstone where hope died.

#blindspots.6.17.12

He said he was a friend. He was a minister who came into my life to help me deal with my problems. He talked with me and laughed with me. We bonded and connected. Most days, he treated me like his son. Other days, he treated me like his brother. But the day he tried to make me his lover, he introduced me to a new blindspot: violation.

#blindspots.6.17.12

*The BLINDSPOTS e-book is available on Amazon.  Click here to find out more.

Sauerkraut, Ferments and so much more.....

Yay!  It's almost summertime and that means Robbinsville (the town I currently live in) is filled with festivals and fun activities.  Yesterday was the first day for our local Farmer's Market.  Every Monday from now until September 26^th, the Robbinsville Farmer's Market convenes at the parking lot across the street from my house from 3pm – 7:30pm.  Convenient, yes, I know!  J

 

So, The Taste of Times Square (which I usually go to faithfully every year) was yesterday, but I skipped it, so that I could be home in time to visit the Farmer's Market.  Of course, there decides to be traffic and we arrive just in time to catch all the leftovers before all the farmers wrap up and go home.  What did I score?  Some toffee roasted almonds and pecans, as well as dehydrated kiwi fruit and ginger.  What else?  SAUERKRAUT!

 

For those who don't know, sauerkraut is one of the best foods in the world that you can eat…….especially (and only) when it's freshly made and not processed/pasteurized.  Not only is it loaded with naturally occurring vitamins and minerals, it's loaded with probiotics!  For those who are lactose intolerant or cutting dairy from their diet, this is a good alternative to yogurt.

 

For those who didn't know, sauerkraut is fermented cabbage, just as pickles are fermented cucumbers.  I tried making some about a month ago, but it was my very first attempt and didn't fully ferment, as I had hoped.  So, I was happy to score a freshly made variety at the Farmer's Market yesterday.  Some facts, which I pulled from Dr. Weil's website are below.

 

Sauerkraut may not be the best food in the world for health, but fresh sauerkraut is VERY good for you. The friendly lactobacilli created in the fermenting process by which cabbage is transformed into sauerkraut aid digestion, increase vitamin levels, produce a variety of beneficial enzymes and promote the growth of healthy flora throughout the digestive tract. And in a study published in the October 23, 2002 Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry Finnish researchers reported that fermenting cabbage produces compounds known as isothiocyanates, shown in laboratory studies (in test tubes and animals) to prevent the growth of cancer. There's no evidence, yet, that these compounds have the same effect in humans, but we do know that isothiocyanates occur naturally in broccoli and brussel sprouts, vegetables which appear to be protective against cancer.

From a nutritional point of view sauerkraut is a great food choice. One cup amounts to only 44 calories, provides eight grams of fiber and plenty of vitamin C. The downside to sauerkraut is its salt content. To make sauerkraut you shred cabbage, add salt and wait for it to ferment. The salt draws out the cabbage juice, which contains sugar. The juice and sugar ferment forming lactic acid, which creates sauerkraut's tangy flavor. But sauerkraut is one of the saltiest foods available, containing much too much sodium for people with high blood pressure and heart disease. If you rinse and soak sauerkraut in cold water before you eat it, you can lower the sodium content considerably.

Many peoples in the world, including Germans, Japanese and Chinese, consider it important to include fermented foods in their diets. Natural pickles, Korean Kimchi, tempeh and miso (made from soy) as well as high quality yogurt are all sources of the friendly cultures found in sauerkraut. Unfortunately, most of today's commercially available sauerkraut is pasteurized and "dead" - that is, it lacks the beneficial bacterial cultures that make it so good for us. Instead, all you get is a lot of salt. To get the health benefits, look for fresh sauerkraut in the refrigerated sections of natural food stores and in barrels in delicatessens that still make their own. Or, even better, make it yourself - it's not that difficult.

Andrew Weil, M.D.

I am also a huge fan of a nutritionist named Kimberly Snyder.  Her website also includes information of the benefits of sauerkraut (which she calls Probiotic & Enzyme Salad) and provides a video and instructions on how to make it at home.  Below are some useful benefit data, which appears on her page.

 

I cannot stress enough the importance of the Probiotic and Enzyme Salad in helping to make us more clean and balanced. This sacred and extremely nutritious salad. It is packed with enzymes and flora to increase our immunity and to restore us to a basic pH. It doesn't take that much time to make, and it is the most inexpensive way to get daily probiotics. This is especially important for those of you that can't afford probiotic supplements, which can definitely be expensive. Cabbage is very inexpensive, so there is no excuse to not make this salad!!

Imbalanced intestinal flora is one of the root causes of disease and is essential to replenish to achieve true health and therefore true beauty. This powerful salad will lead to improved Beauty Energy and ongoing cleansing. Most importantly, it will aid you in clear up any digestive blockages or irregularities that you are experiencing. It is great for those with Candida and sugar cravings.

Probiotic & Enzyme Salad is essentially raw sauerkraut and is made with green cabbage, miso paste or sea salt, and optionally flavor add-ons like ginger or carraway seeds. The raw, cultured veggies that are chopped and sealed in airtight containers for a few days. Sealing and storing the cabbage creates an environment for lactobacilli and enzymes in the vegetables to flourish, creating a probiotic-rich food. Pretty cool, right? Cabbage in itself has natural probiotics, is packed with vitamin C, and has natural cleansing properties. I love that that it's so easy to make and is a yummy, tangy accompaniment for any meal.

Sauerkraut usually stirs up images of a soppy, salty condiment that adds flavor to various meats, but this is not what you are making here! It's time to break the stereotype and open up your mind to the possibility of delicious, nutritious and beautiful foods that benefit the body and the mind. Probiotic & Enzyme Salad is the most powerful tool you can use to get there!

Remember, the fermentation process to create all of those healthy nutrients takes about 5 days so when you start to run low, be sure to whip up a new batch. You can store sealed jars of salad in the refrigerator for up to a month or so, once the seal has been broken, it will keep for up to 1 month. Probiotic & Enzyme Salad should be a core staple of your Beauty Detox by including ½ cup for dinner each night and also at lunch when possible.

For a simple and easy demo on how to make Probiotic & Enzyme Salad, click here! If you are still having issues with your batches going funky, remember to 1)Sterilize everything very well beforehand 2)Pack the mixture down firmly 3)Make sure your jar lids are tightly closed 4)Use spring water to make the brine.

Through increasing your consumption of probiotics and probiotic-rich foods, over time you will see an increase in energy and skin beauty, which will further serve as motivation to keep eating them!

How to Get Paid to Reduce Your Debt and Build Your Savings

While browsing through my weekly The Krazy Koupon Lady emails, I came across a link to a really cool website, SaveUP.com, which helps Americans earn rewards when they make payments on bills such as credit cards, or when they put money into a savings plan.

 

How SaveUP Works

As you know, you can take advantage of most reward programs only if you spend money. But with SaveUP.com, you get rewarded in the form of credits each time you make payments on certain debts or put money into your savings plan, IRA or 401K. The site's tagline says it best: "Get Rewarded for Your Savings, Not Your Spending." SaveUP.com also has a fun, interactive component where you can earn credits when you take part in daily challenges.

Types of Accounts You Can Register with SaveUP

You can register credit cards from more than 18,000 financial institutions, student loans and checking accounts. You can also register your savings account, IRAs and 401Ks so you earn credits when you pay yourself!

Amount of Credits You Can Earn

SaveUP gives you a savings incentive right off the bat by giving you 200 credits just for registering any financial account. You'll earn an extra 1 credit for every $1 reduction on a car, mortgage, or student loan, and 1 credit for every $1 increase in your savings account, 401K or IRA. You can also earn 1 credit for each $1 increase in your checking account balance and 1 credit for every $2 you pay on your credit card. By the way, there are no limits to the amount of credits you can earn.

What You Get with Your Credits

You can use your credits towards daily chances to win vacations, cars, gift cards, electronics, tech products like iPads, and other items. You'll even get the opportunity to win cash rewards up to a $2,000,000 jackpot.

How to Join SaveUP

To start earning SaveUP credits, just sign up on the website by entering your name, email and a password. You can also sign up through your Facebook account. Once you've signed up, you can begin registering the accounts you want to make payments towards. The site securely connects to almost every financial institution in the country that offers online banking, which allows your account balances to be monitored so you can receive your credits. But don't worry that a SaveUP employee is sitting down soaking up all the details of your financial accounts. The site stresses that they do not have access to your accounts or store your financial information.

How Much Does SaveUP Cost?

SaveUP is completely free, and the company pledges to never charge you a penny. They make their money by partnering with sponsors and financial institutions. I found this a really interesting twist because we usually have the idea of banks and advertisers taking money from consumers rather than helping them to save!

All in all, it looks like a win-win situation for everyone. Just don't expect SaveUP to send you reminders to pay down your debt so you can earn credits; that's up to you. Still, it's not likely you'll have trouble remembering because SaveUP's features offer plenty of incentives for you to pay off your debt and really pad that nest egg.

This has been a guest post by Andrea from Ontario, Canada
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