Thursday, June 7, 2012

Betrayal: The introduction

As I went to the library to return some books and pick up a movie on hold for me, it occurred to me that it was time to find some new material to read.

As part of a Love Dare Challenge a few months ago, I had to recognize my husband's primary love language and for six weeks (I think) complete these challenges that spoke to his love language. Well, it turned out that one of his primary love languages was Physical Touch (the other was Words of Affirmation). Any who, my very first challenge was to do some research. Apparently, men who find love in physical touch, enjoy varied forms of physical touch....and my task was to "get a book" and discover some new ways to incorporate more physical touch into our situation.

Thus began my familiarity with the "sex and relationships" section of the Mid-Manhattan library. On that day, I was returning the book I had taken out for this very challenge many months ago. Yes, it took me THAT long to read it and the only reason I finished is because the library said I renewed this book the maximum amount of times and had to return it. FYI: the max amount of times is 10 and each time the book is renewed for another 3 weeks (you do the math). In conclusion, I totally slacked on the job (sorry babe!). For those who are curious to know, the title of the book was something like, "How To Have Sex Like You Just Met"......or something like that. I don't feel too bad about my slacking because I'm sure I incorporated something that the book was saying at some point during those XX months I had the book in my possession.

BUT, I digress.....something that I do all the time and if you know me well enough, you expect it of me Enough!!!!

Before leaving the library, I decided to continue my journey of "research" and get another book with more "data" on this thing they call physical touch.....and all other aspects of relationships as well. The first book that caught my eye (mainly because it was big and bright) was Satisfaction by Karrine Steffans. I could go on a whole other tangent about her and that, but instead I'll just say that I flipped through, decided against it and kept looking.

I'm not even sure if this was in the right section, but I can say that it was kismet that we meet. This tiny little yellow (my favorite color) caught my eye. The author was Dr. Laura Schlessinger. If my sister is reading this blog, she's probably trying to remember where she heard that name from.
Wonder no more, my dear Frankela, for she is the author of the book that you claim changed your life. That's right! "Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives." I could go on another tangent, but I will refrain. Instead, I will tell you that I was drawn to the book like a moth to a flame. Not only because of the author (one of my favorites), but the topic.

The title of this book is "Surviving A Shark Attack (On Land): Overcoming Betrayal and Dealing With Revenge."
Most do not know this, but if you are the closest person to me or a mind reader, then you know that this is one of my struggles in life. For some reason, it is so hard for me to move on and let go......especially when someone has hurt me or someone close to me (or just anyone in general....hence, my refusal to watch or support any movies that Angelina Jolie appears in). Yes, as shameful as it is to admit, I am a grudge holder and in most cases, I hold on for life. Sad, I know.....mostly because it likely harms me more than the person I'm holding the grudge against. Let's be real, do u really think Angelina Jolie was affected by the fact that I left the room when my husband rented "Salt" from On Demand?

Suffice it to say, I took this book out and am fervently going through and taking notes. While it's not gonna give me ideas of new and interesting ways of physically touching my husband, I am 100% positive that it will help me to touch him in ways that he'll appreciate much more than what resulted from the book I returned on the day I found my next read.

So, I will likely be writing a lot about betrayal in the coming weeks. Bare with me because it's just a way to share and explore my feeling all in the same breath. Join in the discussion and share your experiences. We can all heal together! :-D

I will leave you with a little excerpt from the introduction of the book....we'll just call it a teaser.
" Life is what it is. If you venture into the world, there are those ready to attack -- especially if you are or are doing something special. I absolutely hate that this is a truth of life. But that truth doesn't care if you or I hate it -- we still have to face it.
Venture into the ocean, and you might become victim to a shark who is hungry or feeling threatened by your presence or is just doing what it is genetically programmed to do: attack and consume. The shark may take a bite out of you and remove a limb or reveal your innards, and then swim off, not thinking a thing about it. However, the smell of blood brings other sharks to feed on your frenzy of excitement--leaving nothing of you other than the memories of you cherished by your loved ones.
Sharks have no remorse, no morality, no sense of fairness, no concern about the consequences of their actions--as long as their instinctive needs are satisfied. There are a lot of human beings who are just like that--hence the title of this book.
So, then, what do we do to survive shark attacks......on land? "


  1. I know exactly who the author is. How can I not recognize the author who wrote a book that actually changed my life. Most books I read once hers I read twice, took notes and still refers to. I can only imagine that this particular book must be just as good. I also have issues forgetting and letting go, maybe not to the extreme of not watching a home wrecker on TV as they play no part in my life. But those that do, those who've hurt me, scarred me for life. I hold it, I've recently gotten better with learning to forgive and let things go, but thus it's quite the task. I'd actually love to read this book. Maybe it can be suggested as an online read for our book club. Who knows?

    It will definitely lend for a superb discussion piece.

    Anyhoo, if you're looking for books on how to incorporate touch into your partner relationship, let me suggest going to the boys house and borrowing some of Iya books on Kuma Sutra or books on making sexual experiences with your mate spiritual. They have quite a few that make peak your interest.
    Also just ask him what he likes and what feels good to him when you touch.

    Sidenote: Please keep the touch private when we visit as it grosses me and the girls out!!!! Lmao

  2. I've suggested several books and ideas for the online read already, as well as an idea on how to decide which book to choose. I think I'll lay off on more ideas, as I've over contributed already.

    BTW: That old Dr. Laura book is mine, lent to me by Zakiyyah and never you have done the same to me that I did to Zakiyyah. Give it back! Lol! j/k

    Yes, I'm only in the first chapter and it's good already, so I can definitely lend it to you once I'm will be your responsibility to return it to the library. :-)

    Re: Touch
    The truth is I probably touch a little too much, so its not really an issue for me. Furthermore, its fair to note that I did seal the deal and am still going strong, so I clearly have some skill. I know to ask and communicate. However, this was the challenge presented online and I'm all for improvements and new additions, as we have a long life ahead of us and I'm not interested in letting things get stale. Maybe I will look at some of those books, next time I go over.
    Sidenote Response: I KNOW! Lol!!!